Someone You Know Is Visually Impaired: How Can You Help?

A guide to offering assistance and support to the visually impaired

Contents Guide:

I. Identifying Yourself

II. When In Doubt . . . Ask!

III. The Sighted Guide

IV. Room Orientation

V. Car Travel

VI. Labeling

VII. Placement

VIII. Meal Time

IX. The Coping Process

I. Identifying Yourself

The most important thing you can do when you approach someone who you know is visually impaired is identify yourself. Whatever else you need to do or say afterwards will be much easier if you let your friend know who you are! Even if you meet with your friend two or three times in one day do not feel you are being repetitious by identifying yourself each time. On the contrary - you will be helpful.

An example of how you might identify yourself would be: “Hi, Alison. It’s me, Todd.”

Alison will surely be happy to know who is with her, and she and Todd will have a great conversation!

If the conversation is between spouses, an example would be: “Hi honey, it’s me.”

Many visually impaired people, especially those with Macular Degeneration, are often accused of being snobby or aloof when friends and family members pass by and wave or simply say “hello.” The visually impaired person certainly does not see hand gestures and often does not recognize the “hello” as being meant for him or her. As a result, he will not respond. Later on, the friend who passed by will express insult and ask “Why didn’t you say hello to me?” The visually impaired person almost always ends up apologizing for the unfortunate incident, even though he/she is not at fault. What an unnecessary mix-up.

So your first rule of thumb, even if your visually impaired friend is your spouse, is to ALWAYS IDENTIFY YOURSELF!

II. When In Doubt . . . Ask!

Many friends and family members strive help their visually impaired friend as best they can. Sometimes they try too hard! The result is that their friend is put in a dangerous position or ends up being very frustrated. This happens most often when someone has recently lost vision, and friends/family feel sad and want to compensate by doing as much as possible. While these people have the best of intentions, the visually impaired person is forced to handle the over-abundance of help while also learning to cope on an emotional level. This can be a very difficult period of time for relationships, and unless the lines of communication remain open, a tremendous amount of tension can lead to arguments and dissolved friendships.

So let’s avoid this by remembering Rule #2: Ask how you can be of assistance. Your friend will let you know; however, please don’t be insulted if your offer to help is rejected. Your friend may not require help or he/she may not be ready to accept help just yet. Be patient. He knows your offer to help is there.

Some of the topics we will be discussing in the coming pages will show you ways of helping without overdoing.

III. The Sighted Guide

One area in which you can be most helpful to a visually impaired person after your offer has been accepted is the area of mobility - helping your friend move about. Without vision, not only do you not see where you are going or what obstacles are around you, in many cases you cannot maintain balance. This is where a friend or relative may be very helpful.

The Sighted Guide is someone who acts as a guide for a visually impaired person who does not have a guide dog or mobility cane. The visually impaired person will hold the arm of the Sighted Guide. The Sighted Guide should NEVER hold the arm of the visually impaired person. Why? Because by holding onto the Sighted Guide, the visually impaired person can maintain his balance as well as some control of where he is going. If he is pushed or pulled by someone he will lose his balance and possibly trip or walk into something. At the very least, he will be uncomfortable and unsteady.

When passing through a doorway or an area only wide enough for one person, the Sighted Guide should let his friend know that they are approaching such an area and then move his arm behind him to let his friend know to follow behind. If a door needs to be held open in order to pass through, let your friend know which way it opens and on what side the door is. Allow him to place his free hand on the door to prevent it from swinging shut.

When you approach a flight of stairs, once again, the Sighted Guide should let his friend know that stairs are ahead and whether they go up or down. The visually impaired person will grab the rail himself and feel for the first step with his foot. The Sighted Guide can stay one step ahead of his friend and should proceed at his friend’s pace. He should notify his friend of the last step.

If you are guiding your friend to a seat, it is always best to place his hand on the back of the seat. He will then be able to seat himself.

A loss of balance or even an accident could occur if you try to physically seat him. Once his hand is firmly on the back of the chair he will have no difficulty guiding himself into the seat.

You should remember that it is not necessary that you strive to be the perfect Sighted Guide. Your visually impaired friend does not expect you to be perfect. As long as you communicate with each other, there will be no confusion. And once again, when in doubt . . . ask.

IV. Room Orientation

Whenever you enter a room with your visually impaired friend, it is important that you let him know in what part of the room he is standing or sitting. As you maneuver through the room, let him know if there are any obstacles such as coffee tables, lamps, or other types of furniture or decorations that might be knocked over or tripped on. Even food on a coffee table or end table should be moved if it could easily be spilled.

You should definitely let him know who else is in the room. You might like to continue by describing the room if your friend has an interest. Perhaps there is a particularly beautiful object, piece of furniture or even a view you might like to tell him about. Describing visual things such as picturesque view or pretty colors is perfectly okay and most often is very much appreciated. However, it isn’t necessary to go into too much detail when describing surroundings.

If you would like to talk with someone in another part of the room it’s perfectly okay. Just let your friend know you will be leaving so he doesn’t look strange talking to you when you’re not there! Try not to leave him standing alone in the middle of the room. Suggest that he come find a seat with you before you leave him alone.

V. Car Travel

If you’re getting into a car and would like to offer your friend some help, allow him to place one hand on the top of the car or on the back of the seat while he holds the car door with his other hand. In this way, he’ll be able to maintain balance, locate the seat, and control whether the door can swing shut on his feet. Once his feet are in the car, allow him to pull the door closed himself if he wants to. Again, this lets him control his own safety. Once inside the car, you can offer assistance with the seat belt by whatever means is mutually agreeable.

When you’re ready to get out of the car, allow him to grasp the door and the back of the seat in order for him to rise and gain balance.

Remember, it never hurts to ask!

VI. Labeling

There are many ways that a visually impaired person can label the items he uses on a daily basis. He can label food, clothing, medication, appliances, thermostats, etc. - just about anything.

By labeling appliances with Hi Marks (brightly colored tactile markings), finding temperatures, settings, and power switches and buttons will be much easier because of the color and texture of the marking. Thermostats can also be marked in a similar fashion.

By utilizing various shaped items that could be pinned or sewn in, clothing can be marked and separated by color or style. Closet dividers are also helpful.

Medication can be labeled in large print or separated by container or location. Cans and packages of food can be identified by large print labels or Braille. Large print labels can easily be written in large black ink on a white label. (Contrasting colors such as the black print on the white label is helpful all the time.) Separating foods by refrigerator shelf can eliminate confusion.

If you would like to help your friend by marking his personal items, don’t forget our famous rule: Ask! You should find out what methods would be most helpful to your friend. There really is no point in trying to help him without finding out what will work best for him.

VII. Placement

This will be the shortest topic of discussion in the booklet. Why? Because when it comes to cleaning, straightening up, or putting things away in an effort to help out your visually impaired friend . . . DON’T!!!

You must never move anything. The reason is quite obvious. Your friend will not be able to find it when he needs it again. The absolute worst thing you can do for someone who is visually impaired is move things around. There is nothing more frustrating for him than to search for what was once in a spot where he could find it. Spouses should take note of this important rule.

End of Discussion!

VIII. Mealtime

If you are fixing a meal for your visually impaired friend, you might want to consider the following suggestions. It will make for a more enjoyable meal if you do:

1. Try to use a light colored placemat with a dark plate (or vice versa).

2. Use a dark mug if you are serving milk.

3. Use a light mug if you are serving coffee.

4. If you are serving a beverage in a glass, try to use one with a design or color to it. (many clear glasses are knocked over!)

5. Tell your friend what’s on his plate and where they are located.

6. Try to dine in a well-lit area; dark areas are not the least bit helpful. If you are dining out, choose the restaurant based on the following suggestions:

• one that is well lit
• one that does not have steps or stairs
• one that has conveniently located restrooms
• one that does not have an overbearing amount of sunlight (if you’re having lunch)

Mealtime should be relaxing and enjoyable. If your friend is not comfortable, he will not relax. Moreover, he will feel stressed over whether he will spill, whether he can find the restrooms, whether he is going to miss a step and fall, etc. Why not make it easier for both of you and take the time to carefully choose the restaurant. Make a mental note of those restaurants that “fit the bill.” Future choices will be easier for you.

COPING WITH THE LOSS OF SIGHT

1. DENIAL AND BARGAINING “I can’t believe it.” A patient goes from doctor to doctor looking for a cure, refusing to admit the extent of the problem because the reality is too painful to face right now.
2. ANGER AND RESENTMENT “Why me?” I don’t deserve this.” People want to see the world as fair and just. They need to have a reason when something terrible happens. Sometimes anger is directed at a doctor’s perceived failure to help, or at loved ones who don’t seem to understand; at God, or at the world.
3. DEPRESSION (Anger turned inward) “No one understands. Life isn’t worth living if I can’t see to do anything. I feel so worthless.” Withdrawing from social contact is common, as the person feels estranged from the world. It is difficult or impossible to put on a front that everything is okay. The person feels truly despairing of ever being whole and happy again.
4. ACCEPTANCE “I’m not going to let this spoil my life.” The personcomes to accept himself as he is despite his impairment and begins to make positive adaptive responses. By learning new ways to do things and function competently, the person begins to feel better about himself. He stops feeling so helpless and begins to take control of life again. One will never be happy about vision loss, but a good measure of happiness can be won in spite of it.

When you are overwhelmed with feelings of despair, anger, and helplessness, it can help to know that these are normal reactions to a devastating loss. Someday you will be able to accept and feel good again. There is no way to skip over the painful feelings of bitterness and just cheerfully make the best of it. The negative feels need to be felt and acknowledged before healing can take place. It is important during this time to talk about your feelings with others and to find people who can listen and be supportive. Sharing with other visually impaired people who have ‘been there’ and really know what it is like can be a big help in coping. Once you have dealt with all the feelings associated with your vision loss, your energy returns for going forward with your life. (From the Association for Macular Diseases)

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